As I look back through my childhood memories, it seemed like I had to fight my way through life. I was raised in a dysfunctional family. My father was an alcoholic and my mother did the best she could to raise me. I made friends easy, but still found myself trying to fit into different groups. I played a lot of sports to keep me busy. Still feeling left out.
At the age of 9 I found a special kind of peace and acceptance in a local church a few blocks away. They didn’t care what color I was, how well I preformed, or if I was rich or poor. They loved me for who I was. I was a child when I first felt the peace of God. We moved from Texas to Florida because dad got a job offer. So, unfortunately, I had to leave the only place I felt secure and safe.
After we moved to Florida I had to make new friends and try to adjust to a new home. It was then when I was in 5th grade I was sexually abused by a family member and by my best friend’s uncle. They made it seem like it was a game we were playing. I was young and I was told If I said, anything to anyone they would deny it. So, I kept this secret to myself until I was in my early 20’s. As, I got older, I realized that the secret I kept inside cause me to feel unloved and out of place. I
felt rejected, abandoned, and trying to fight for that special acceptance in life.
I would find myself remembering the feeling I had in that small country church. I believe that was what kept me going. I knew in my heart I was special to someone. I didn’t understand it at the time who it was and why I felt so much peace I just knew I wanted that in my life.
I had to grow up fast and missed a lot of my childhood. When I got into high school I found myself still looking for a place where I could fit in. I tried to fit in with the preps. I tried to fit in with the band, I tried to fit in with the cheerleaders, I tried to fit in with the sport teams. Never feeling accepted. As I got older I found myself hanging out drinking with some friends. I was staying out late at the bars. I was hanging out with bikers and trying to live the lifestyle they were living. “Don’t get me wrong, all bikers are not bad people. “Bikers help a lot of organizations. The one I was involved in, only wanted to party and control everyone.
I did finally finish school and got some college courses behind me. The problem now was, I always tried to please other people and did what they wanted me to do. Never living life for myself. I lost who I was and never finding peace. That is a lonely place to be. You can be in the middle of a crowd and feel so alone. I watch how people acted and I knew once again I was in a place I didn’t want to be. Once again, trying to fit it.
At the age of 25 I met a man that drove a truck for a living. I worked at the truck stop as a waitress and he swept me off my feet. We got married a year later. He taught me how to drive a truck, and we teamed for many years. In 1993 we parted and drove solo for the same company. At that time, the Lord started really working in my life. See, when you are in a truck all day long you have plenty of time to talk to the lord, not too many other people to talk to. I started singing on the CB radio as the Lord gave me the songs. I began to feel that peace again I felt back in that small church. It wasn’t long after that the devil started tempting me. Once again, trying to fit in I started doing drugs to stay awake and hanging around the wrong crowd.
Trying to sing gospel in one hand and doing drugs in the other hand. Talking about a battle for my soul. I enjoyed hanging out with the group I was hanging with because, I finally felt like I belonged. I fit in and they liked me. Not realizing it was about partying and getting high. I did my job and ran with the good old boys. At least that is what I thought. I ended up on the side of the road begging God, to save me. I had a large aspirin bottle filled with white power of all kinds in side it. I threw it out the window of my truck as I was pulled over on the side of the highway asking God, not to let me die this way. I had two small children and I didn’t want the police to have to tell them their mother died from an overdose. God sent an angel that day to help me. He was a trucker driver that was also an EMT. He pulled over to help me and followed me to the next truck stop up the road. After he gave me everything in the world to make me get sick I felt better. He told me if I didn’t get help, I could die. I was afraid of losing my license, so I never called the ambulance. I got back in my truck and started heading toward Washington. I made it to Washington just outside of where I was to unload. I started feeling funny again like my body started to feel numb. I was on a dark two lane road in the country. I heard two young boys talking on a base station and I called them to help me. Their mother got on a two-way radio and knew where I was. Soon after, the ambulance showed up to get me. Twice, God had sent someone to help me. I had a small dog with me and the mother watched her while I was in the hospital. The doctor asked me what had happen and I had to tell them I was doing drugs earlier, so they knew how to treat me properly. How ashamed I felt when I had to call my mom and tell her why I was in the hospital. I flew home because I couldn’t drive my truck back to Florida. I was an emotional wreck.
God, never gave up on me. After I recovered, I went back on the road. I have always loved the open road. I started reading my bible and listening to the Christian Radio Stations. I remember reading where God said, “I was not to fit in, because I was set apart for His work and His glory.” So, all those years I spent trying to fit in and trying to please everyone was a lie from the enemy. The enemy was whispering in my ear telling me I wasn’t worth anything. That is why I didn’t fit in anywhere. The devil comes to kill, steal and destroy your life and he
will use anything and anyone to do it. God has loved me from the beginning of time.
God is the only one that can bring you the peace you are looking for. The acceptance and desire you need. There is nothing God cannot do in your life if you let him. He will never leave or forsake you. You are the very apple of his eyes. You are his sons and daughters. Our heavenly Father loves you with an everlasting love. God is there to catch you when you fall. He is there to forgive you for your sins. Best of all if you repent of your sins and ask Jesus into your heart we belong to him.
I have been in the trucking industry for over 30 years now. I love trucking and I love the people. God has restored me and set me free from drugs, and a life of self-destruction. He will do that for you as well. I am now a road chaplain for Channel 21 Truckers Ministry and the founder of Trucking Angels for Christ. My heart is for the lost and the hurting drivers that are on the road. I have been where you are and I continue to pray for all the drivers.
When you accept Christ as your Lord and Savior, you find eternal life, a life with purpose. You no longer need to fit in. He is all you need. Joy and peace is yours. Call on Christ today to be your Savior. Ask him to live in your heart and change your ways. The Lords ways are much better than our ways. You will never be the same.
Just say this prayer:
Lord Jesus I trust in you, I repent of my sins, come into my heart right now, I believe you came to save the lost and dying world that we may have life and life more abundantly. Change me, mold me and make me new. I know from this day forward I will never be the same. Thank you, Lord. I am in the lamb’s book of life, and I will forever spend my life with You. Amen
If you said that prayer and meant it in your heart you are now saved. The Bible says: Those who call upon the name of the Lord, shall be saved. Get a Bible Tracts and start reading it. You will see the changes in you and so will the people around you. Please email me and let me know you prayed this prayer and I will keep you in my prayers.
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